When Fear Fades

This week will mark having Lucy home for 3 months.

As they say “time flies,” but at the same time it’s hard to remember the chemistry of our family without her….seems like a lifetime ago we got her.

She fits. She belongs. She has captured our hearts.

She has changed our hearts.

We received a call about Lucy, from an adoption agency on Friday, November 1st. “It’s a girl, she is 6 weeks old, she has Down syndrome, her heart and lungs are healthy. If they would choose you to parent placement would happen quickly. Are you interested?”

These calls take your breath away. You go from having a typical day….to, well, not typical.

The days between November 1st and November 8th when Lucy was placed in our arms forever were some of the most remarkable days of our lives. Emotions ran the gamut…excitement, joy, grief, wonder….fear.

Let’s be real.

We were scared.

When we said “yes” to that phone call on November 1st we were scared.  When we got that call we prayed. We felt led to say “yes” and we did. We didn’t consult family or our close friends. We heard God, we moved….and then we talked, to a few.

We stood on the knowledge that we knew the Lord had directed us to say “yes” to this baby. Yet, fear and anxiety filled much of my mind. We knew very little about Down syndrome. We hadn’t talked to our families about the possibility of a special needs adoption. We weren’t prepared for a baby. We wondered how this would impact our other children. We didn’t have the money to cover the cost of the adoption.

Honestly, it wasn’t the excitement or anticipation of bringing a new baby home in a few days that kept me up at night that week….it was fear.

I would toss and turn all night. Falling asleep for an hour at a time, at best, and wake up in a panic wondering if we were making a mistake.

The noise that was fear was drowning out my ability to hear the voice of The Lord.

But I, we, pressed on. Even as the noise of fear screamed we moved forward. By this time we had an army praying with us…and while “the noise” continued it didn’t stop us.

We kept on…like building a crazy big ark or sleeping in a lion’s den or jumping into a fiery furnace…we kept on.

We pressed through the noise that is fear, that can be so debilitating and controlling…

Until we saw the Glory of the Lord, The Olive branch, The Sleeping Lion. Until the noise dulled and the fear faded and we walked out of the fire hand in hand with Jesus.

Friday November 8th, just a week since hearing about Lucy, she was placed into our arms forever. The night before she was placed with us we launched a fundraising campaign. Somewhere in the hours after launching that campaign…asking others for money…asking for help…the fear faded.

The Lord took one of our greatest fears, financing the adoption, and used it to hush the enemy.

The morning before we left to get Lucy the Lord moved mightily, he spoke intimately, he brought us to tears. He answered detailed prayers.

He financed every penny of the $15,000 we needed in less than 48 hours.

When Lucy was placed in our arms the noise, fear, was gone.

We still had very little knowledge of Down syndrome. We didn’t know how Lucy would fit into our family. We didn’t have answers to so much.

But we knew. We knew were walking in obedience. We knew this was right.

And it was. It is.

Lucy, whose name means “Light,” is a dream come true. She brings explainable joy to our family.

Her soft grin lights up a room. Her uncontrollable hair makes the other 3 kids giggle. Her hushed cry…it somehow silences fear.

Blessings friends, Thanks for journeying with us.

lucy jill 2

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This entry was posted in Adoption, Children, Christianity, Fundraising, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to When Fear Fades

  1. LeAnne Hines says:

    Wonderful, Ang. Very inspirational. I love you. Mom

  2. songbird9497 says:

    Beautifully written and captured your faith! Congrats on your new bundle of joy!

  3. Holly says:

    Love getting to know Lucy through you guys!!! She is precious!!

    • angela says:

      Thanks Holly!!! I was just in your neck of the words this morning! Next time we will have to grab some tea. Would love to catch up with you and Carry!

  4. Bob Biermaier says:

    like your love of God & His precious children

  5. Stephanie says:

    Thanks for ‘lighting’ up MY day too! Man, is she sweet. Hugs to all those kiddos at your house!!!

  6. Sandy says:

    You and your family are my heroes.

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