The Greatest Sacrifice

Adoption.

It truly is a miracle.

We’ve had Xander home for two weeks today. 

He is growing and changing every day. His very dark eyes are showing hints of perfect blue that no doubt come from his birth mama. He is getting a double chin and his legs are looking less scrawny…well maybe not. And Noah is so very pleased that that THING has come off of his belly button.  

We are good.  

Noah Simply cannot get enough Xander time. He says “I just love him so, so, so much. I’m so glad he is finally here.”

Georgi’s “mommy instincts” kicked right in. Her daily hope is to feed him, snuggle him, and make sure he has his paci and blankie. She gently refers to him as “sweetie.”

Brett and I are good. We are in newborn mode. We are wiped and our ends tend to be a little frayed. We remind ourselves to enjoy this season, knowing it simply does not last long.    

Our time in the hospital with Xander and the birth family were some of the richest days of our lives. We experienced the full gamut of emotions: excitement, fear, love, heartache, joy, peace, grief, worry, confusion, hope, hopelessness…it was all there, and all real.  And in it all we saw the hand of God.

We expected several things of the time we would spend in the hospital while Xander was waiting to come home – getting to hold him and feed him, adoption paperwork, nurses and social workers…those type of things.

But there were two things we couldn’t have anticipated:

1. Getting to spend countless precious hours with Xander’s birth family and falling in love with them
2. Experiencing the grief of the birth family.

We simply were not prepared for #2 – I don’t think one can prepare for it. For months I’ had this “pie in the sky” screenplay in my head of how we would bundle our new babe into his car seat and walk out of the hospital radiating joy. Ready to stop at every friend’s house on the way home.

But instead leaving the hospital with our sweet boy was the hardest thing I have ever done…and it doesn’t even compare to the level of “hard” the birth family faced in giving him to us. It was just plain gut wrenching.

Xander’s birth family, they love him, they love him fiercely. Giving a baby, a son, a grandson, a nephew up for adoption wasn’t something they had dreamed of or hoped for.  It wasn’t something they planned or even wanted to do. They did it because life has them in a place where adoption was the best option for Xander.

The sacrifice they made was one of love. It was heroic. My God, it was hard – I saw grief on their faces that day that overwhelmed me. It got the best of me.  At one point, while they handed Xander to Brett, I walked away. I couldn’t bear their grief. Or make any sense out of their sorrow being our joy.

The first 4 nights of having Xander home I dreamt I was sitting at my kitchen table, Bible open, crying and pouring over and over these two verses:

He (Jesus) withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, ⁴² “Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.”  Luke: 22:41 – 42  

I’m sure our birth families prayers and thoughts we extremely similar to Jesus prayer and grief in this passage – Take this cup God – please, if there is any way for this to be good without us giving up this child, make it happen – but if this is best we will do it.   

While no sacrifice is equal to Jesus’ death on the cross – but to give a child that you love away for others to raise, and call mom and dad, so that he or she may have the life you aren’t able to provide, resonates with similarities that I cannot not ignore.   

Adoption is beautiful. It is a miracle. It is the heart of the Lord. It comes with great joy and anticipation. But it also comes with sorrow and grief.  Let us not forget the birth families that make such a sacrifice as this. The birth families matter. They matter as much as the child. It is our prayer that in time joy would come from their sorrow and that birth families would experience beauty from ashes by the goodness of the Lord.

Through all of this I will celebrate this Easter with a greater understanding and humility for the sacrifice God made when he had his own son die so that I could have hope and life, and know love.

Friends, don’t forget the cross this Easter, but look to the resurrection for the promise of hope.

Announcing Alexander (Xander) Daniel Bailey

….the Magnificent.

Otherwise known as “The X-Man.”

Born Monday, March 19th at 12:12AM

Weighing in at 7 pounds 7 ounces

and 19 and 3/4 inches long.

A true gift. We are humbled.

More soon.

 

Brief Update

Baby and mom are doing well.  

Boy, 7lbs, 70z, 21inches (I think). Born at 12:12am 3/19/2012

He is beautiful.

We are learning the complexity that is adoption. 

We will be heading back to the hospital tonight.

Please remain in prayer for all. 

more later. 

Praising Jesus for the miracle of adoption – for this child and for my own adoption into the Kingdom of God.

Adoption is the Heart of God.

 

 

Heading to the hospital

Baby in the way. Please keep the birthmom, her family, the baby and us in your prayers.

LIFE

Chicken Butt

Hey All!! Thanks for checking in.

We are in full-on baby mode. Organizing baby clothes, researching baby wearing, stocking up on diapers and preparing the house (read:nesting, yes it happens to adoptive parents too).

We got a deal on a bunk bed about 10 days ago and have moved Noah and Georgi into one room.  It is a party in that room!!

The first couple nights were long, but it is getting better. They like to tell the SAME joke to each other for hours:

“Guess what?”

“What?”

“Chicken butt.”

(Insert endless laughter)

Apparently that is EXTREMELY funny.

We are happy to report that our current car seats will fit three across in our vehicle! YEA!!

Getting to know our birth family continues to be a blessing.  We will get to spend some time with them this coming week.

That brings us to our prayer requests.  If you have prayed for us and for this process consider yourself a part of this journey. You are making a difference; you have made an eternal investment in our lives, the life of this child and the lives of this birth family.

• Would you remember these points in your prayers in the coming days?
• The birth family – we love them. They are remarkable– the emotions they are feeling are beyond any words I have. Pray for them.
• The sweet baby boy – for health, for bonding. Pray that the Lord would speak our voices to him even now while he is in the womb so that he would recognize us after delivery.
• For Noah and Georgi – change is hard.
• For our finances surrounding the adoption.
• For Brett and me. Satan hates adoption, hates it – but God is bigger than our enemy.   Please intercede for us during this time.

Thank you all so much.  We are blessed to have you on this journey.

Bunk Beds, Skinny Car Seats (or a minivan) and Tiny Diapers

Friends – even before we began our adoption journey we thought about it for years.  THIS is a post I have dreamed of writing for all those years. 

What would I say?  

What details do I share?

How do I put it into words.

As it turns out…my words will be few.

We have been matched with a birth family.

We have been able to get to know the family a bit and we cherish them. Beautiful people that love their baby. The birthmom, she is a hero, a gem.  

Because we love and respect our birth family we won’t share much for details. But know this, we are amazed at the story God is penning.  It is far beyond anything we could have imagined.  He is the greatest author.

Pray for the birth family. For the baby. For us.

We covet your prayers. 

Oh, it’s a boy. Due the end of March.

Time for bunk beds, skinny car seats (or a minivan) and tiny diapers.

 

 

 

I Cannot Sleep

I cannot sleep.

Monday’s are long. Good, but long.

Our adoption Journey has shifted. We marked a pivotal point today. I mailed 16 profiles to 4 different agencies across the country. Reason #1 I cannot sleep.

This adoption became unbelievably real to us this morning. Something in our Spirit’s changed. We both felt it. An anxiousness – a good anxiousness.

Excitement.

Fear.

Anticipation.

Finances….

Wonder.

Doubt.

It is all there.

I honestly played out a scenario on my head of running back to the post office and digging through the mounds of packages to retrieve ours.  I wondered if that would be legal.

In my desire need for control I requested delivery confirmation on said packages this morning. To my disappointment only two of them “qualified” for the confirmation. Darn, it. I want to know.  I want to know when they arrive, that they arrived in good condition and what will happen to them from here out.  If it were up to me I would visit each of these places so I could visualize the ongoings of this process.

I later thought I should have thrown a nice chocolate bar into the other packages to bring them up to “deliverly confirmation” weight. But then I would have had to try to find “slave-trade-free-chocolate” which is becoming increasingly difficult (see ya later Hershey’s, M &M Mars, Godiva, Nestle, and a billion others….really?)

What, am I thinking!?! A chocolate bar in with my Adoption Application and profiles – how weird would that be?

I’ve completely lost it.

“Lord! Renew my mind.”

And He did.

I heard His still small voice.

“Let me pen this story, it’s better than…..than a chocolate bar.” (He meets us where we are at folks, chocolate or otherwise)

Then He, who holds it all together in the Palm of His hand, reminded me of who He is and What He does.  He spoke to me saying I Am:

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families…” Psalm 68:5 – 6

Why is it that I can have such faith in Him hanging the stars in the sky, forming everything from nothing, crushing sin by the death of his son, but I doubt that he will faithfully set an orphan in our family?

Lord, forgive my unbelief and increase my faith.

This time last month we were close to calling a 3 month old boy our own. We had begun to wonder what he looked like and how he was being taken care of. We imagined what it would be like to go pick him up and bring him home, to introduce him to Noah and Georgi.

Then the birth mom ran away.

The instant I heard this….my heart broke. But not for myself….and not only for this baby, but for this mom. A scared, dependant, young lady relying on the things of this world, and unknowingly searching for a love and hope that would heal all wounds.  I grieved for that mom. I worried for her. I prayed for her and begged Lord, let your Kingdom come.

The things the Lord is teaching me in this journey. I didn’t know that I didn’t know. Lord, prepare me.

When I returned from the post office today I emailed our home agency.  Checking in to make sure our home study was being sent….everywhere.

She assured me it is and let me know our profile is being shown Tuesday and Wednesday of this week….

I cannot sleep.

Adoption Consultant

I’m actually going to attempt to bust out two blogs today….we shall see.

But first, the CHANGE I spoke o in the last post!

A lot going on in our adoption world these past couple weeks! We have switched things up a bit and prayerfully decided to go with Christian Adoption Consultants (CAC).  I have talked about the “what’s “ and “why’s” of having an adoption consultants here before.  You can click here for CAC’s outline of just what they do.

We wish we would have gone with CAC months ago – even before we did our home study.  Because Adoption is emotionally involved and incredibly legally complicated it lends itself to GOBS of questions.  It would have helped and eased our hearts to have our Consultant, Tracie, on board with us from the start. 

So now what! CAC has done the hard work of researching and learning about Adoption Agency’s across the country.  They have a pulse on the adoption laws in several states and know which state’s laws are favorable for adoptive parents. Through their experience they can look at an adoption situation and have some discernment in the “risk factor” of any given case…. Huh? Risk Factor? Adoption is a risk – in every situation there is a possibility of a birthmother changing her mind and deciding to parent her child.  More on that in the other post I hope to pound out today.  Please note that I said CAC has “some discernment” of risk factors – they can see red flags – but by no means can they, or anyone for that matter, guarantee any adoption situation.

So, we are busy applying to several different agency’s as well as filling out stacks of paperwork in hopes of getting a matching grant.  While this might sound like a pain in the hiney – I am really enjoying it.  It is exciting for me to peruse other adoption agency’s websites and learn about what they are doing in the adoption world.  It is part of our journey and I am taking in every step of the way.  

As always – keep us your prayers.

An Entertaining Change

Do y’all remember our horrible-tacky-bachelor-pad-esk entertainment center? The one I was hoping our social worker would deem unsafe and thus require us to get a new one in order to pass our home study.  Just in case you need refreshing (as we did our homestudy MONTHS ago.) Here it is:

Bad, right?

Well, let me tell you – we have a change in the entertainment center department!!  WHOOP! WHOOP!

C’mon, now do it with me – WHOOP! WHOOP!

I pretty much had all of August and September employment free – so the kids and I hit several garage sales seeking out deals.  Wouldn’t you know I found a beauty in the rough?  I so wish I would have taken a picture of it before Brett worked his gorilla-glue-sanding-painting-expertise on it. It was a mess – it was barely one piece – and the drawers wouldn’t stay in their places – it was peeling and a gross brown color.   

I am pretty certain Brett was not initially thrilled with my purchase.  But nonetheless this diamond in the rough has found its forte! Here it is folks:

 

I couldn’t be more pleased. And by the way this fabulous piece of furniture….$8. YUP. I bought it for 8 buckeroos. A lot of paint, some hardware, and a bunch of elbow grease and we have us a bit of change for less than $30!

WHOOP! WHOOP! 

So, this seems like an appropriate place for a shameless plug for my husband’s painting business. Brett (husband) and his friend Jason are Co-owner of QC-Painting,  they are the best around – so if you are looking for a painter give me a holler and I can hook you up…check us out on Facebook here.  No need for painting, but in a giving Spirit – help support our adoption by clicking the DONATE button on the right. We’ll have more details on this front soon but know our bottom line will likely exceed $20K.

Ok, ok – back to business.  This blog is supposed to be about adoption after all. So here it goes – change. Our entertainment center isn’t the only change we are going to see around here. We have a change coming in our journey. And this change – well, it is going to be good, promising, healthy, and worthwhile. It is change we can count on. (Please note, this is no way a political commercial nor should this “change” be compared to the change promised in that arena…k.)

Keep us in prayers folks.  Really, we treasure your prayers and need them to break away the enemy and stay the course. Adoption is the LAST thing the enemy wants.  This change will require a gob of faith and obedience. Please lift us up, our babe to be and the sweet birth mom and dad that choose life for their baby.

An Awkward Conversation

A year ago today Brett, myself, and two friends traveled to Cincinnati to attend a Zoe Foundation Fundraiser.  Our intention in going to this fundraiser was twofold – 1^st we wanted to financially support The Zoe Foundation (not that you have to go to a fundraising event to support them )and 2^nd because we had/have hope and dreams of bringing adoption and adoption awareness to our city.  

Two things – pretty simple, right?

The founders of The Zoe Foundation, Randy and Kelsey Bohlender both spoke.  Without getting into great detail, just know that the Spirit was moving.  They spoke on whys, needs, and briefly on the hows of adoption. At some point Randy said “some of you are going to have an awkward conversation on the way home….” 

Meaning – some of you came here for one thing and are going to leave here hearing the Lord calling YOU to adopt….

And we did.

While our conversation didn’t happen on the way home it did happen the next day. I can remember driving the next day and the Lord pressing heavily into me regarding us adopting.

 I couldn’t not think about it.

 I was so overwhelmed by it that I remember becoming frustrated – and saying LOUDLY in my car “Lord, if this isn’t you, if this spinning in my head isn’t you take it away now.” It didn’t hasn’t stopped. 

As it turned out the Lord had been pressing into Brett, throughout  the day, in much the same way. CONFIRMATION! This surely was the Lord. We spoke briefly and decided we would talk about it after the kids were in bed.  

We had never spoke to Noah about adoption or adopting  -but that evening as we got him ready for bed he pointedly said to us “Mom and dad do you know there are kids out there that do not having mommy’s and daddy’s?”

It was in that moment that we said “yes” to our own adoption journey.